It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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