he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
