I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
