I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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