dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
