I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
that may or may not have been my penis.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
