I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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