rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize