Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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