so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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