Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Just pee around me
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
