dude i'm inner monologue high
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
