remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
