So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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