but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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