you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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