I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
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