We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
