The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
