I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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