If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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