I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
