we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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