I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
