First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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