i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
