Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
