Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
