It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
