It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
