it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
