so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Four minutes until I can fart!
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
