so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
