I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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