dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
