Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
