we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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