Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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