I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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