She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Randomize
