Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize