i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
