The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
