I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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