i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
