I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
