Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
