When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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