So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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