were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
