She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
