look no pants
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
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