I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
