Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Randomize
