epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
