The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
