Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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