just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
