i wish there were pregnant emoticons
He is an equal opportunity slut.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize