i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
