Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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